Loving discipline, or child abuse?

Our parenting methods would make us criminals in some countries. According to the Economist, there is a growing consensus in some parts of the world (especially Europe) that any sort of physical discipline of a child is abuse, and ought therefore to be illegal. In fact 18 European nations have already banned all forms of corporal punishment. A pan-European body, the Council of Europe, is aggressively seeking to end spanking as part of its mission to promote civil liberties. And the United Nations is pursuing a campaign to outlaw all corporal punishment, worldwide, by 2009.

Though the Economist considers this latter effort a typical bit of "Utopian dottiness" from the UN, and "wildly unrealistic," the fact is much of the Western world is moving in a direction to ban, or at least stigmatize, corporal punishment. The premise of the movement is that there is no fundamental distinction between corrective physical punishment, and child abuse. Both are immoral acts of violence that are just on different ends of the same scale.

But there is a difference in kind, not just in degree. Common sense teaches that a slap on the wrist or a spanking on the bottom is fundamentally a different creature than a blow to the stomach or head. The former is the controlled meeting out of a dose of mild pain, the latter a cruel and dehumanizing assault. A spanking (quaintly referred to as "smacking" by the Economist) is for correction for the child's own good or safety; abuse is the expression of an angry and even hateful heart whose purpose is only to hurt.

The Scriptures sanction spanking: "Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die" (Proverbs 23:13). The Bible's view of discipline in general, whether a parent's discipline of his child, or God's discipline of his people, is that it serves redemptive purposes. For the child whose parents lovingly discipline him with controlled measures appropriate to his age, it is so that "he will not die," so that folly will be driven from him (22:15), and so that his soul will be saved from Sheol (23:14). For the child of God who endures God's discipline, he will enjoy "the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it" (Hebrews 12:11).

The point is that corporal discipline is one means that God has given us as parents to lead them in the paths of righteousness and life. It must always be accompanied by love, and by the communication of God's forgiveness for us in Christ. By itself, spanking may correct behavior. But mere behavior modification is not God's purpose for spanking. Rather, the rod is to help a child come to understand, and embrace, the grace of God in the gospel. This is why it is imperative for parents to hug and pray with their children after spanking them.

Sadly, this is just the sort of view of spanking that is increasingly considered odd. The Economist notes that a "pro-smacking" (who would want to be called that?!) lobby in New Zealand did not win much support because "their religious rhetoric - talk of loving corrections, followed by prayers - sounded weird." In my view, it is lumping spanking with child abuse that sounds pretty weird.

In any case, the article noted that the U.S. is something of a hold-out in this matter of spanking (no doubt due to the still-sizable presence of weird religious types). So, we are not outlaws, at least not for the present.

Our Anniversary

Eight years ago today, Robyn and I exchanged wedding vows and began our married life together. Since then, we've gone from the two of us living in a basement apartment in Pennsylvania to six of us living in a two-story home in Alaska. Along the way we've made stops in Illinois, Wisconsin, and Oklahoma. God has blessed us these past eight years.

According to Proverbs 31, "an excellent wife", which my wife is, should have her works "praise her in the gates." Since I cannot locate the city gates of Wasilla in which to praise my wife and her works, I will do so in the "cyber-gates". For eight years of marriage, here are eight reasons why I love and appreciate my wife:

1. She is fun to be with.

2. She is a great encourager during tough times.

3. She is very forgiving of my faults.

4. She prays for me and my ministry.

5. Since we've been married, she's morphed from having no interest in sports to becoming a major Cardinals fan. Watching or playing golf is still out of the question at this point, however.

6. She is a fantastic cook.

7. She was willing to relocate to Alaska (and, she wants me to go fishing!).

8. Most important of all, she is more devoted to Christ than she is to me.

Proverbs asks, "an excellent wife who can find?" Here's to my "excellent" wife on our anniversary!

Summer's almost here!

From what I can tell so far, this is about the time of year when Alaskans let out a collective sigh of relief. Winter is definitely over and happy days are here again. The sun awaits us each morning, shining gloriously in the bright blue sky. The air is dry, clean, and crisp. Green is splashed over the landscape, and the lakes and rivers are watery again (and some will soon be teeming with salmon). It's hard to imagine a better place to be in the summer than Alaska.

I'm looking forward to this summer for many reasons, though, not only for the unbeatable weather.

First, we are trying a couple of new things at church. Honestly, I don't know how they'll go, but I'm excited to find out. First, we are focusing on outreach during the month of June. I will be encouraging our people to ask their non-church-going friends to church. I am going to preach a series of messages on the "I am" statements of Jesus that, I hope, will present Christ clearly to the hearts and minds of all who will be there. We are going to meet each Sunday at a local park with the church's trailer and offer free water and soda. And for anyone interested, we'll also have some good booklets available that deal with life's struggles from a Christian perspective. This is somewhat new ground for me and for the church, so we'll see how it goes.

Second, we are beginning a Sunday school class during the summer. The purpose of the class will be to encourage family devotions and teaching the catechism at home to our children. We'll meet as entire families rather than separating into different age groups. This is also something a bit new for most of us in the church, so I'm looking forward to seeing how it works out.

This summer also means vacation for our family. We will spend three weeks in Wisconsin and Chicago visiting friends and family there. The main purpose is to be present for John and Gina's wedding (John is Robyn's younger brother). While we are excited about the trip and can't wait to go, from an admittedly selfish perspective, it is too bad it has to be a trip away from Alaska in the middle of the summer! We are seriously considering requesting our respective families that from now on, all weddings and funerals take place during the winter months.

And while we're in the neighborhood, we're planning to catch a Cardinals game at Wrigley field. The way things are shaping up in the NL central so far, that could be an extremely significant game to watch.

Speaking of family, my parents will be coming up in June with my aunt and uncle. It will be great to spend some time with them. They are driving up the Alaska highway from Montana. Thanks to them, with gas prices being what they are, by the time they return some fortunate Saudi prince will be able to buy another private jumbo jet.

And then there's fishing. I can hardly call myself an Alaskan if I haven't fished yet. So, we are hoping to give that a try this summer. Our hope is to go "dipnetting", an Alaskan fishing style in which you literally scoop salmon out of the river by the dozens. We have a freezer in a garage waiting to be filled with pounds and pounds of salmon fillets. We'll see if our "best laid plans" come to pass.

There's a lot to look forward to this summer!

The Peacemaker by Ken Sande

There is conflict in my church. There is conflict in my family. There is conflict in my marriage.

I say this not as a revelation of some serious crisis in any of these areas, but as a statement of fact that holds true for every church, every family, and every marriage. Wherever people are bound together in a close relationship, there will be conflict at some level. Interests collide, personalities don't mesh, misunderstandings take place, and communication breaks down. Of course, the ultimate source of all human conflict, whether minor or serious, and what fuels and exacerbates the tension, is sin. Sinners in relationship with each other are bound to step on each others' toes (and worse).

Since conflict is universal, it is not surprising that Christians experience it as well as everyone else. What is surprising, though, and disheartening, is how poorly Christians often respond to it. If the statistics are to be believed, divorce rates are no lower among professing Christians than society at large. And church splits are depressingly common enough to testify that believers in Christ don't do so well at managing conflict.

But the Bible is full of teaching about conflict and how to appropriately handle it. The problem is that we Christians haven't been faithful in putting this teaching into practice. Ken Sande's book, The Peacemaker, is an extremely helpful guide for us to understand and deal with conflict in a biblical manner. I had read this book once before, and recently read it again as part of a leadership training course I am conducting at the church. One of men in the class said the book was convicting. I agree. I have not always dealt with conflict (both in family and church) in the most biblical way. In Sande's terms, I have been guilty of both "peace-breaking" and "peace-faking". I pray I'll be more faithful in peacemaking in the future.

If I knew of anyone involved in a serious conflict at home or in the church (or anywhere, for that matter), and they were open to instruction, this would be the book I would recommend to them. As the author argues, if handled correctly, a conflict situation can become the very means by which the grace and love of Christ is made known.

Mother's Day

This has been an unusual Mother's Day for our family. The mother, Robyn, is in Wisconsin with our baby Moriah. So, we had no special celebration for the day. Robyn's special Mother's Day treat is four days of taking care of just one kid, as opposed to the usual four.

I've been "Mr. Mom" for the past few days. Actually, so many people from the church helped out with babysitting that Robyn's absence hasn't been the domestic disaster it could have been. The kids have been fed, basic hygiene has been maintained, the dishes are mostly clean, and the house has some semblance of order. There is a good chance we will survive until Robyn returns tomorrow night!

Since it is Mother's Day, and since my own mother makes up about half of the readership of my blog, I had better say some nice things about her in this space! As I reflect on my childhood, I see some ways in which my mom had a deep influence on me. For starters, she always expressed her confidence in me that I could accomplish whatever I set my mind to do. Though she was by no means like so many moms today pushing their kids to over-achievement insanity, she made it clear that I could, and should, set my sights high for the future. My mom herself is the kind of person who sets high goals and then works hard to meet them. She strives for excellence in whatever she pursues. To whatever extent these traits are true of me, it is largely due, I believe, to her influence.

Secondly, my mom taught me to question popular assumptions and common wisdom. For example, when I was in grade-school, it was her idea to get rid of our television set. At least among everybody we knew, this was a radical and unheard-of concept. But we did it, and can there be any doubt that missing out on hours of "Dallas" and "The A-Team" was an unqualified good thing? Years later, bumper stickers appeared admonishing us to "kill" our televisions. Heck, my mom killed our television before television-killing was cool. But the lesson I learned was, just because everybody else does or thinks something, doesn't necessarily make it good or right.

I'm sure there are many other ways that my mom influenced me for good. But these come to mind. Happy Mother's Day, Mom!

Some sights from Monday's trip to the Coastal Trail

The Coastal Trail is a paved path in Anchorage that runs alongside the Cook Inlet. It's also directly next to the airport, so every ten minutes or so jets roar overhead so close you can almost touch them. On Monday, we packed up the kids, the bikes, and the dog, and spent a few hours on the Trail.

No sooner had we started that we saw this big guy enjoying a walk down the path, heading in our direction. Thankfully, he turned aside before he reached us.

Meredith, Maggie, and Sander all rode their bikes. As you can tell from this picture, Sander preferred to walk his bike when going downhill.

Sander was too cool for words with his shades on.

We saw this sight in Wasilla, on our way back home. I bet this pooch would like a new owner.

National Day of Prayer

On Thursday at noon, our family joined a group of about 50 people gathered at Wasilla City Hall to pray for various concerns in observance of the National Day of Prayer. This was the first time I had taken part in anything like this, and I confess I attended partly out of curiosity. But the primary reason I went was in response to an invitation from a friend who is the youth pastor at a church down the road from ours.

Different pastors and others led in reading Scripture and prayer, and we spent time in small groups praying for matters such as the government, churches, and families.

I was glad I went. I am pro-prayer, and I believe that Christians are clearly commanded by the Scripture to offer prayer for the governing authorities (1 Tim. 2:1, 2). So, I am certainly in favor of the principle of a time of intercession for these concerns.

But, I did feel a certain amount of ambivalence about the event. I'm generally wary of expressions of a generic civic religion that are characteristic of something like a call for a National Day of Prayer. For example, one woman present read a proclamation from the Governor of Alaska calling for Alaskans to participate in the National Day of Prayer. Everyone there (probably all Christians) applauded after it was read, but I'm not sure why. The statement was so broad and inclusive as to endorse virtually any kind of "spiritual" activity: prayer, meditation, peace activism, promotion of social justice, or "another form of contemplative action." In other words, it was no clarion call for specifically Christian prayer. In fact, it was no clarion call for even theistic prayer - the word "God" was conspicuously absent in the proclamation.

Just by virtue of who was present, it was a Christian prayer meeting. No one was asked to not pray in Jesus name. However, my discomfort stems from a fear that Christians, though certainly well-meaning in their participation and support of these sorts of events, may be unwittingly led to compromise what is the most vital thing of all for Christians: belief that God can only be approached through His Son Jesus Christ (John 14:6). It is faith in Christ as the only way to the Father that makes Christians Christians, and therefore for a Christian to take part in any service of worship or prayer that is not Christ-centered is a serious mistake at best. Yet civic religion demands just that (unless, of course, all who show up happen to be Christian, as seemed to be the case on Thursday).

Again, I am glad Christians are praying for the nation and the local churches. At the end of the day, however, the only hope for a world perishing in sin is the good news of the death and resurrection of Christ. If the church loses this message, she has lost her gift to the world, and all the prayer and "contemplative action" in the world will not help.